Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
