I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
