Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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