My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
