i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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