Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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