I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He passed out mid-signature
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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