I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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