He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
