Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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