Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
