Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
you made out with another girl for some wings
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
