the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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