I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
