come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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