So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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