Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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