I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
