He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
