I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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