i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
