I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
