so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
