There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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