yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
