I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you inspire me to be a worse person
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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