what day is it and did you see me today?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize