Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
