hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
