I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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