I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
