Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
operation have a gay friend backfired
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
