He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
