wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I will be naked everywhere
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
