I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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