Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
