Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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