I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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