my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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