she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
