I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
