About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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