I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
