woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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