I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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