what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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