sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
