So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Couch. On fire.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
