He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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