I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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