Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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