i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
