My hand turned me down
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
