Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
