Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
