True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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