so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
