We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
