my vag is so smooth its legendary
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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