So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
