You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
