you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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