my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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