Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
