the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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