this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
