just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
