Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
